Love is verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?

Love is a verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?

Retrieved from: Awaken you wonderful we

Love is the action. It means when you love someone. You should put heart in the action you do for your lovers. Love is serving with heart. We have to learn the love of Jesus, Buddha and Mother Teresa. They have real love; they love people without any expectation, which called the unconditional love. When a man loves a woman, he has love in all actions like serving, caring, flirting, making the surprise, helping, motivating, sharing, respecting. Real love no need of return.

Mother Teresa did not demand anything when helping the one needed help. From caring, helping she gained the greatest joy and happiness than any bodies else. With love, everything was the marvel to her; she found joy and happiness in everything, the power of love so great that she created the greatest legacy with little resources. Love is action, a man in love find joy and happiness in any actions they do for their lover. He finds happiness in responsibility also. We can easily imagine a man in happiness in every action, he is dancing, jumping, smiling, cheering, singing, walking and opening all. The individual in love never think of doing any harm to the lover. Observer can easily see the pattern of happiness in the action of a man in love. Mother loves her child unconditionally; she can sacrifice her life to save her child in danger. Her love is immeasurable. A girl does not need to see ask advice to know if he loves her, just finding is the happiness in him when staying with you, when do with you. He is controlled by highest emotion so that he can do many silly things. If he loves you, play with you with too much consciousness, perhaps he does not love you enough.

If people in love but expect in return: “I serve her, I care for her, I give her flower. In return, I want her to do good to me. She does not do good to me, it makes me a little bit sad.” Hold on, she does not do good back to you, and you said. You see, love with expecting is like exchanging. It is not loved. Expecting can kill your love. With expectation, you do thing consciously, you are pulling out of a moment of action to the expectation. It makes the action unnaturally. If you receive less than expectation, you can become angry, you can harm her.

The fact is, love with expectation mean "I love myself" not “I love her”. It is a selfish love, greedy love. People misunderstand that they love themselves but they think they love others. Sometimes they think they do good action in love as a sacrifice. The greedy love can hurt for both. Love that is still clinging, giving but still looking forward to receiving, waiting for returning is the love of selfish person; it is not generous love to other, but the selfish love to themselves. The selfish love makes people feel pain or hard in the action. When making the action of love instead of finding happiness as the unconditional love, they find pain, hard work or even misery. It looks like an exchanging in the relationship. With unconditional love or real love, people find happiness, joy and energy in action for both doer and receiver. On the other hand, with selfish love, to some extent, people find misery, pain and exhausted in action. Selfish love can create misery or stress for both people. So that if a girl read any signs caused by happiness chemical from a man when he thinks or dates with her, it means he likes or loves her; because he is doing the things that he loves the most. The belief deep inside harmony with the outside action to create the action, he finds happiness. If a girl can find any signs of stress chemical from a man when he is dating or doing kind work to her, it means that he finds stress in action, deep belief inside contradict with outside activities. He has to use conscious mind alone to take action, it is exhausted, overworked, some time can make him stress. The experienced people can see the pretending smile from him, or have the gut feelings when hearing he laughs.

People tell lies to have the stress signal also. Observe ordinary people telling lies, we can find the embarrassing behaviors from them. The unconscious mind detects the mind bad consequences from the lying, so it creates the signal of a little stress. People telling lie do not have eye contact, do not see direct eye to eye, the pupil shrinks, tension muscle, up the heartbeat, sweating and many other symptoms of stress, so that the words are not naturally. The degree of symptoms stress may vary a lot from people to people. The experienced individual can have the feeling of chill or gut feeling if he sees a man telling lies, which may lead to serious consequences, without any stress signal on the face, voice or gestures and without the signal of emotion. The experienced man will pay special attention to him.

Parents also need unconditional love for their children. The conditional love express: “parents love you so you need to do this”, and “parents love you so you need to do that to make parents happy.” to make your parents happy; otherwise, children will be fined, beaten, burned books, torn clothes if the children do not obey the order of parents and adults. Look closely, they are invisible braces that splint the arms and legs of their children. Selfish parents make children eat, work and study without any passion, no curiosity, and no excitement. They just follow the instructions of adults. Kids are like the puppets of their parents; parents use love, orders, rewards, punishments, and emotion to control the puppets. Sadly, in Vietnam, the kids have many splints from their adults like grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and teachers; who are so blindly violating the basic need of freedom of the kids; the need of freedom they forget that they also ask for and complain all day at work, clubs, and in society because of lacking freedom.

 We use love as splints to splint the two legs, the two hands and the behaviors of our children unconsciously. Interfere the kids' behaviors by their parents may create passive children; because parents dictate the children what to do and what not to do because of their love; kids rarely make anything by themselves so that they are very self-deprecatory, low self-esteem. Kids never have a sense of conquest, of victory to proud of, they get everything done by their parents. The blind love of parents take all the chance for hands, legs, eyes, ears, and head to do its job; parents repeatedly serving for their children to satisfy unwanted needs of their children; they unconsciously spoilt their children. Kids grow up in the environment where everything is ready-made by parents not only lack the skills but also have much more wants, desires than normal kids. When the desires are not satisfied, kids become angry with screaming, shouting, rebelling to ask for things they want. Time after time, parents with selfish love blindly create the bad habits of their kid's many desires, anger, and ignorance; these are the causes of misery.

Lao Tzu taught "instructions without interference". We as parents should draw out the destinations, expectations, visions, with the principle and values, then use love and patience to encourage our children and let them do their own. Our love and support are good enough for the kids feel safe to take more challenge in life. Our children will surprise us with their creativity and ingenuity. The temperaments like self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, initiative and proud from victory created by the process of working. Do not love your children so blindly that make tired, harmful to children and related individuals.

Stephen Covey taught about how to heal the relationship in the family for a husband: "love her" "But I do not love her anymore" "Dear friend, you are wrong, love is a verb; love is action, not emotion. People are in love have passionate action for the one they love". “so if you have to love her to heal relationship, you have to take numerous action to care for her: making her surprised, taking care of her, picking her up, dating with her, taking care the children for her, helping her the housework. Many think you can do if you really want to relive the love. Do it unconditionally.”

With children having problems need the unconditional love from their parents the most to repair the problems inside. They are need guiding without interfering with their parents when they have done the work, they feel proud and confident from inside. The children having the problem already have the problem so that parents should not expect too much from them. The unsatisfied expectation can make parents anger and hurt, which in return will hurt the children. Love your kids without condition; welcome all the good things and bad things to your children, celebrate with them, guiding without interfering, give support to make kids feel safe enough to take more action, to make changes and corrections if needed. Especially the children with a mental problem, who are in stress, need so much love, connection and support from parents to have the feeling of happiness. The happiness and the chemical of happiness secreting in the brain and body is the best cure for mental problems. When taking action of love, practice three things: simplicity, patience, and compassion.

Count the Aha moment you have!

The real cause of-of human problems: Autism, Depression, and Stress

Useful advices for stressed mother, stressed parents

 The ten effective ways to help children with problems

Retrieved from: Awaken you wonderful we

Here are some useful advice about the techniques; which I usually give to the readers to answer their questions about how to help children with problems.

Firstly, you should seek advice from the specialists before any intervention. They will guide you in the right way. Listen and ask questions to get understanding the basic elements of the instructions from the specialist before applying.

Secondly, you should embrace the child and dance, dance in the melodies of fine music with child, kidding with the child to create the laughter. People only laugh when they feel safe, which is same to the child. Laughing is the most important indicator of happiness. Persistence, compassion, unconditional love, creating peace for the child, making friend with the child are the keys when playing with the child. Remember what you do in your childhood you will have the compassion for your child.

Still thinking about the logic of adults will not help you when playing with your child. The infant from two months old can understand some sound of the environment, they can understand that parents are talking to them or not. Try to talk as much as possible to your children at this month. Try to create meaningless sound, noise, and spell the vowel words to catch the attention of your infant. Try to make the child want to express, eager to express by “uh”, “ah”, raise or move the mouth and smile. Play, talk with your children to recognize as soon as possible the early problems in your infant. If there is any strange signal, unnatural responses or behavioral problems, no need for the intervention of experts, just quiet your mind: by meditating, helping, giving, and letting go, them embrace your child. Embrace the pain, fear, and irritation of your child with love, kindness, and peaceful mind until your child feels peaceful, at ease and smile in your hands. This job only is done well by parents, the love and consideration of parents; husband and wife have to increase as much unconditional love, unconditional support, caring, touching, smiling, kissing as possible to create warm, happy, supportive environment to save the infant child, mother, and family.

Thirdly, increasing the amount of time for your child listen to classical music, meditation music is very good for brains, help to calm down the arousing mind. Watching meaningful movies with interesting dialogue and watching humor scripts with good meaning will stimulate the mind of your child with the warm feeling, and the urge to talk. Abandon the wailing films, violent films, and crucial films; these film can infect the mind of your child with negative images, negative feeling, even some child also feel sorrow and imitate bad habit of characters. Care about feeding your mind and your child’s mind.

Fourthly, give your child more chances to have more fun, excitement daily. Increase the time nature, other children, animals, and crowd. There are some costs of dirty, scratches, tire, sneezing, runny nose or event mind pain. In fact, no pain no gain. Focus on the huge gain in the future you will gladly welcome this short-term cost. This is the part of the thinking of self-made millionaires; they want their child experience pain from labor to gain in future. Some even anger with the safety of their lazy child, because they understand the real facts to create the successful life. They aim at the long-term gain, by principles and visions in the future. If blindly seeing, we see them as selfish parents, but with results in future, we will realize that they are the smartest parents. They are the master of the art of using pain, gain, love, crucial action, detachment with the ego. When pushing your child to the crowd, if he has signs of insecurity. We should hug, temple his emotion, make him feel safe enough to take the risk of joining. Do not blindly shout at your child and criticize him, which make him feel more unsafe.

Fifthly, train yourself to have peace, happiness, love, especially unconditional love before spend most of your time with your child is the best thing you can do for your child. Your state of mind will translate to your child’s mind in many mysterious ways.

Sixthly, the child will learn very fast if you make him have a feeling of love, safety, happiness with the skills, or knowledge you want for the child. How many languages the child can speak if his father is American, his mother is Japanese and they are living in Vietnam. If getting enough of support, your child can gain the admiring achievement. If you have the skill of influence, you will create more joy for your child with hard work and study. Results depending on the feelings the child has when studying and working. Some children feel of joy, happiness with the studying; and feelings of pain, lose, hurt with gaming, wasting they will study all day without forcing from parents or teachers, and gain a large amount of knowledge from the studying with less labor. On the other hand, some children feel of pain, hurt with the studying; and feelings of joy, delight with gaming, wasting they only can bear one or two hours of studying with the extreme forcing from parents and teachers, they only gain little knowledge from the studying with a huge effort. This is the meaning of relativity; people feel an hour of joy is short as a minute, and an hour of pain as long as a day. We can sense the relativity from your chatting with nice, smart and person and your other chatting with the bossy, stingy, and angry person. It is not only because of you in the feelings you have, it is also the person with talk to. The person you talk to, beauty or handsome does not relate much to your feeling; all lye in the art of understanding your needs, the art of satisfying your need to create the senses of happiness and joy during the conversation; and the art of controlling temptation to speak, do the things that make you anger or stress. Please pay attention to the art of living when dealing with the child, especially the child you think is naughty. Creating the feeling of love, safety and joy for the staff are the main jobs of leaders and managers in the organization.

Seventh is to replace old habits, which associated with comfort for the child, need to thoroughly understand the real causes, then gradually direct the child to other useful habits by the funny process of touching rewards and touching punishment. If there is a child likes to tearing paper, throwing things, cutting the fabric or beating friends; the main reason is that the child misunderstands the action, he associates the action with joy, comfort and does not notice to the pain and the cost he makes. It is a good way that parents can get understand the child, patiently observe the child to get real facts from the action then rendering the art of influencing to help the child.

Eighth is to increase the amount and quality of time for your children by talking, crawling, jumping, making noise, hugging and kissing your children with fun and joy. Make your children feel safe and joyful enough that the children start to smile, speak “gu ga ga”, or senseless words, it is fine because the child only talk when feeling safe and happy. You can mimic your child’s words and actions with the smile to encourage them because these are the actions person in happiness. Sometimes embracing your child and dance with music can help a lot for both of you. Eliminate all things, which may deplete the quantity and quality of time you spend for your children. Remembering the needs, experiences from your childhood will create the empathy for your children and make your actions more naturally. if you think that these silly actions can harm your reputation as a successful person, remove the doubt by reading the stories about Albert Einstein, Richard Branson, and many others happy people.

Ninth is, the parent can borrow punishment with nasty children. It is fine, but they should pay attention to avoid violent, crucial fines, they should punish in mindfully to have a better understanding and find out other effective solutions. Do not punish because of anger. Considering punishment is the opportunity to increase your emotional account in your children mind. Do not blindly punish your children to satisfy your anger, your ego. Blind punishment, violating the principles can deplete all your emotional bank account in your children. Always smile to break the tension if needed. The misery in life causes by desire, anger, and ignorance. The ignorant child will have a lot of desires; if the desires are not satisfied, the child will be angry or stressful. Most of the rebellion of the child is the fruits of anger; To some extent, the rebellion can help the child calm the stress. If pay attention, parents can understand the unsatisfied need. Punishment the rebellious child with is hard for parents and can stop the unwanted action temporarily. Most of the skillful parents use the unconditional love, patience and compassion remove the root of rebellion; they are skillful in teaching their child to remove the ignorance.

Tenthly, have notebooks to write these four things. Divide the notebooks into for parts, There will be invaluable advices and knowledge and inspiration when have time reviewing these notes. Do not lazy in writing. Do not trust your memory. Use narrative writing, make the writing clearly with 5WH: who, what, when, why and how.

A. The good things you do each day. You do to help others, the disable or anyone needed help. Each day do at least three good work, cherish hopes of good for your child to help him have the strength to overcome the problem. The parents of the autistic child can use the good work they do each day to talk to their child. The stories may stimulate the child mind, urge the child want to talk.

B. Write down as much as possible the things you are grateful every day. Start to look on the bright side of the problem to write down. People feel wealthy and healthy with a grateful mind. These things may use to talk to your children.

 C. Write down your events, thoughts, emotions and your actions; which are interesting and need to remember. Especially the thoughts, emotions you have playing with your child. If busy, at least, jot down the facts, the thoughts and feelings.

D. Write down as detail as possible about your children's development, personality and temperament. The actions, the emotions and reaction appear before, during and after acting, and if interrupted from outside. These are the invaluable knowledge about your children that create understanding. Understanding is very useful for intervention.

Completing these notes will create huge joy and happiness for you directly, your children and relatives indirectly.

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Real cause of of human problems: Autism, Depression and Stress